Manipulation Series — Article 3 / 5

Who Does This Child Become Tomorrow?

Intergenerational Shadow Transmission, Psychological Drivers, and a Healing Axis

6. Future Trajectories: Where Might This Child End Up?

There is no single path; however, in this kind of upbringing, three recurring patterns are commonly observed:

Scenario A: The Child Who Mirrors the Mother

1. Always positions themselves as right
2. Demonizes partners
3. Plays power games through the child or the partner
4. Develops strong narcissistic / Machiavellian traits in adulthood

Scenario B: The Overly Self-Sacrificing Rescuer

1. Tries to keep everyone happy
2. Spends life in the role of “problem-solver” and “therapist”
3. Continuously postpones their own needs and feelings
4. Cannot exit dependent relationships

Parentification and enmeshment tend to produce precisely these kinds of adults [7].

Scenario C: Disconnected—Yet Still Carrying the Pattern

1. May distance themselves from the family or cut contact
2. Yet the internal models remain unchanged
3. The same pattern reappears in partner choice, conflict style, and parenting

In short: geography changes; the inner system remains the same.

7. Psychological Drivers: Why Does the Mother “Fuse” With the Child?

Behind this fused, “twin-like” way of living, the following drivers are often present:

1. Not feeling safe in one’s own childhood; emotional neglect or abuse
2. Not receiving sufficient emotional support, loyalty, and trust from the partner
3. Loneliness, worthlessness, and identity emptiness
4. Projecting the entire story onto an “external enemy” instead of facing one’s own shadow

Studies on emotional incest emphasize that, in these relationships, the parent’s needs move ahead of the child’s needs; when the child attempts to build their own life, they are pulled back through guilt and shame [1].

8. The Healing Axis: Confronting the Shadow for All Three Roles

Questions for the Mother

1. “Where do I place my child in the position of my partner?”
2. “How do I use my anger through my child’s loyalty?”
3. “How do I carry my childhood pain into my current relationship?”

Questions for the Father

1. “Where do I collapse into helplessness and fully withdraw?”
2. “Where do I explode, frighten the child, and feed the system’s argument?”
3. “How can I face my own shadow and build a child-centered stance?”

Questions for the Child (as an Adult)

1. “If I allowed myself to feel what I truly feel for the first time—what would emerge?”
2. “To whom do I ‘owe’ loyalty? To whom do I have the right to say ‘no’?”
3. “How can I learn direct communication without creating triangles in my relationships?”

In Jungian terms: healing begins less with “who is right or wrong,” and more with each person taking ownership of their shadow.

References

1. [1] Kind Mind Psychology. (n.d.). Enmeshment trauma: What is it? https://www.kindmindpsych.com/enmeshment-trauma-what-is-it/
2. [2] Verhaar, S., Matthewson, M., & Bentley, C. (2022). The impact of parental alienating behaviours on the mental health of adults alienated in childhood. Children (Basel), 9(4), 475.
3. [7] Dariotis, J. K., et al. (2023). Parentification Vulnerability, Reactivity, Resilience, and Thriving. IJERPH.

Other Articles in the Series

1. Article 1 — The Dance of Three Shadows: Conceptual Framework and the Psychodynamics of Mother and Child
2. Article 2 — The Demonized Father and the Trauma of the Targeted Parent
3. Article 4 — The Bus Case: Concrete Scene Analysis (coming soon)
4. Article 5 — Manipulation Tactics: Concept-by-Concept Naming (coming soon)